“Overcoming abuse doesn't just happen, it takes positive steps everyday. Let today be the day you start to move forward.” Assunta Harris
There is no excuse for abuse, no explanations that can justify it either. The abuser usually comes from a loveless home where they themselves were abused. Understandably so, this seems to be the only way that they can get some sense of control over their retarded self esteem issues. Hurt and rejection, a sense of belonging was never attained and the adage of a catch 22 situation ensues. Unconsciously perhaps they need more love and acceptance but they act in a manner that makes them unlovable. So the cycle begins and continues throughout their sorry sad lives.
The unfortunate thing is that their victims carry the damage with them forever. Unless of course they take positive steps to stop the cycle of going back into the past and re-hashing and re-playing each scenario in the hope that they can find some closure or justification to what happened. Retribution and revenge can feature highly in these emotional moments. This is absolutely normal – to want to make things different, to make that pain go away, those demons from taking over the striving towards a happier existence.
I have been there, and let me tell you that it is not an easy road to walk. I used to feel that my life was torn, ripped apart by an uncaring other who only had their needs inside their head. I turned every scenario upside down to try to make sense of it all. Why me? What had I done to deserve this terrible mountain of awful memories that I carried with me all the time. It marred my days, it tainted every beautiful sunrise or sunset. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, checking in every pair of eyes in the hope that I could see the next abuser coming so I could run away. I hated his family for a long time – why didn’t they tell me what he was? Why didn’t they get him some help? I hated him, hated myself and resented friends for not doing something to help. Living a haunted life was my every day existence. Just before my 30th birthday I realised that I had to change something. I hated all the negative thoughts that consumed my mind – it was a poison that I drank day after day.
So I chose a new path. I decided that every day I would do my best to be careful of the thoughts I allowed myself to think. Reality is that neither you nor I can change the past. We cannot go back and fix anything. What is done is done and the only thing to do is move forward and make today and tomorrow full of new happier experiences and memories. Someone once said to me that they see me as a survivor...I rather choose to think I am an overcomer. I went through it and came out a better person.
Yes, we can overcome; we can view the hard times not as a victim rather as a victor. We are stronger, wiser and can help others in the same situation take the reins of their lives and choose a better way of living. Let’s move on each day with new cleaner thoughts and happier attitudes. It is a long road to recovery no doubt. Why don’t we choose to live life in the now? Why don’t we choose to show the abusers in this life that we are not a product of their abuse by breaking the chains that bind and living a fuller successful life no matter what the past subjected us to?
Come on ladies – let’s put our big girl shoes on and show the world what we are made of?